量身定親 / Bride-Hunts

 

量身定親 金雨田	Bride-Hunts By Jin Yu Tian
友甲四十未娶，數年來仍孜孜不倦，提燈找妻，每回好開頭難結尾。我們總笑他，找老婆，哪有量身定做之理。	FOR YEARS my friend, still single at 40, has been searching high and low for an ideal wife. Invariably, his bride-hunts have started promisingly but ended in failure. We often tease him –– how could anyone expect to find a wife that fits him just as he wishes?
新近一宗，是經電腦篩選，身高體重生辰八字職業履歷，無不相合。兩人親親和和，父母樂，衆友喜，終了又是曇花一現。	His latest attempt began well when, after much computer-aided screening, a girl was found who was his perfect match in every way –– height and weight, birth date and horoscope, career and background. Dating went on smoothly, and parents and friends were happy for the lucky man –– but only briefly, for the pair broke up soon after.
細問原由，媽的，只不過是那女友性喜穿藍色牛仔褲而已。半年來，他說：“就沒看過她穿裙子。”	The reason?  On inquiry, we learnt –– damn it! –– that it was nothing but the girl’s liking for wearing blue jeans. For half a year, complained my friend, “I've never seen her in a skirt.”
別誤會，他可不是打女人裙子主意，他絕不是那種人。怪只怪電腦算不如人計。	Please don’t get him wrong. My friend is not a skirt chaser –– definitely not the Don Juan type. The computer, if anything, was to blame. It had failed to take human whimsy into account.
他媽只有他這麽個寶貝兒子，書讀得不錯，收入算是小康，說他手中沒點小錢也講不過去。你想，辦公室裏午餐有時還是從家裏打包來的呢。	The man is his mummy’s dear only son. Formerly a good student, now he lives comfortably on a decent income. Surely, he has saved up quite a small fortune, as one can see him sometimes just bring a lunch box from home and eat in the office.
記得他有一次“吹”掉一個女朋友，是三拍四拖後，他對小姐沒一次約會肯掏荷包很有意見。	Yet I remember once he split up with a girlfriend after dating her for quite some time, unhappy that she had never paid the bill when they dined out together.
其實，我們都常爲許多小姐慶幸，常譏他也許不結婚會是許多女人的福氣。他不以爲然，更不甘“犧牲小我”。	In fact, we would rather feel happy for those girls. We often joke about my friend, saying it will be fortunate for many ladies if he remains a bachelor. He thinks we are wrong, but still hates to part with his dollars.
昨天他被他焦急的爹娘押上飛機，十二億人口，會有哪個是他量身定親的新娘？	Yesterday, he was forced by his anxious parents to embark on a flight abroad. But, from among the population of 1.2 billion over there, can he really find a bride that is tailor-made for him?  (Tr. Allen Zhuang)
原載新加坡《聯合早報》(2000)；後收入《不著地族 / A Lift-Off People》(潘正鐳著，Allen Zhuang 英譯；Singapore: All Publishing House, 2002)；曾在2008年5月5日貼於譯者原先的網誌 坡港英華 / SingaKong Chinese & English，今重貼於此。
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